Doing just one end of the year list is kind of lame. Doesn’t really cover the facets worth exploring. And that’s even discounting the perpetual “lists are meaningless” argument. Of course lists are meaningless, but it’s an interesting exercise to try to think objectively about art (based on your current knowledge and perspective, so obviously it’s consequently subject to change). It’s a fascinating critical attempt that forces several fascinating mental contortions. So to start off my own little flurry of lists I wanted to start with what’s quite possibly the most important one: the best movies I didn’t see! This is mainly to put off the inevitable outrage over missing certain films. I’ll make you all a deal, if you want to ensure I see a movie next year feel free to send me the cash for tickets and two hours worth of gas. If it’s an indie movie you’ll probably have to send another hour’s worth of gas money. Of course I’d rather see more movies than less, I love movies. But it’s easier said than done is my point. Everyone cool?
One: Only Lovers Left Alive
Okay, that being said this one is totally sitting like three meters from me. Just didn’t get around to it, which is a bummer because it sounds awesome. Jim Jarmusch’s (only seen one of his films, like it a lot) vampire movie seems to be sitting high up in a lot of end of the year lists, and I look forward to watching it. But didn’t in time. Plus it stars Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston.
Two: Jodorowsky’s Dune
I love Dune. I love Jodorowsky. I’d love to see this movie. But I haven’t! I haven’t seen this movie. It did come to Netflix, so I will at some point, but I haven’t yet. I haven’t even seen Lynch’s Dune. Or a single Lynch movie. Just seemed wrong to jump into this documentary without some more foundational knowledge.
Three: Dance of Reality
This was not going to come to a big screen near me. There was no hope of that. Which is sad because a new Alejandro Jodorowsky movie is worth checking out. It looks like a crazy carnival laced with pretension. It wasn’t that long ago I watched El Topo (song break) and I can’t wait to watch more of that dude’s eccentric filmography.
Four: Birdman
Sounds like it’s interesting. Single take, some meta casting. Some apparently (clumsily) blatant themes. It all sounds potentially fascinating. I was in the theatre when it was playing. Full disclosure I saw John Wick a second time. (Oh.) It was a scheduling thing, but it meant I didn’t see Birdman, Exodus, or Fury all of which I would’ve loved to check out. On the upside John Wick is still great.
Five: Nightcrawler
For some reason this movie didn’t enter my radar till really recently. Specifically an end of the year list that described it. The fuck is up with that? I remember seeing reviews but I feel that might’ve been during a chunk of time where I was stricken by the unshakeable feeling that reading online criticisms were not the most constructive use of my time. Quite simply it sounds like the kind of movie I would adore. Psychopaths are soooo interesting. Uh, I swear that’s not as much of a warning sign as it seems.
Six: Nymph()maniac
Basically just read entry three and change the names. Make Dance of Reality Nymph()maniac and make Alejandro Jodorowsky Lars von Trier. In case you found the vagueness of my initial request challenging. I also didn’t see Nymphomaniac. Or Nymp()m∆n|∆c. That last one was directed by L∆r5 v0n Tr|er.
Seven: Blue Ruin
I make myself laugh, screw you. No excuse! It was digitally available forever. Plus it sounds like a good watch. And I’d heard of it before. Gotta love a grim, bleak, understated revenge movie. Looked absolutely fascinating. Ah well. Guess I ruined that opportunity. Blue ruined it. Blue. Ruined. Like the movie title?
Eight: Snowpiercer
Still here after that pun? Wow. Alright, well that didn’t hide my shame as effectively as I’d hoped. My shame is, of course, this entry. And now that pun, also. I didn’t see Snowpiercer. I feel that’s practically criminal. An end of the year list without Snowpiercer seems messed up, doesn’t it? An entertaining and politically driven and relevant science fiction film by a director I like. There’s no acceptable excuse. Only seppuku.
Nine: Why Don’t You Play in Hell?
Fuck yeah that pseudo-segue wasn’t even intentional! Nor does it make that much sense. Why Don’t You Play in Hell is some crazy meta violent something. Just sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Made a couple of end of the year lists I read. Really though, have you seen the ad? Looks so great.
Ten: Boyhood
Yeah. I didn’t see Boyhood. Guess I’ll be playing in hell! Or something. Boyhood. That supposedly transcendent 12-year project about a young boy’s life and stuff. Boyhood. You heard about Boyhood. You don’t need my help knowing I’m a bad critic for not seeing Boyhood. For some reason not everyone with a car is willing to take certain critics to watch it. Whatever. I’m the worst, it’s okay, I’ve come to terms with it.
Eleven: Under the Skin
Think this one’s on Netflix too. Kept forgetting, running out of data, that kind of thing. Again seems like it would be my kind of movie. Topped the Tiny Mixtapes List, so that’s interesting. Sounds like it really might be more than just a movie with a nude Scarlett Johansson. Okay, I always thought it sounded more interesting than that; I’m just being facetious. It sounds pretty fascinating.
Bonus Round:
Joe (Nic Cage!), The Babadook, The Guest, Locke, and Inherent Vice (no way to see it yet, firmly belongs to next year).
And now you know my shame. I’ll eventually get around to many of these movies when I am less busy, or when I’m supposed to be watching whatever great movies come out in 2015. Stay tuned for lists that actually serve a purpose. Sort of.
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